Energy
by Usako-chan
Summary: This is a FayeXSpike fic! I love that couple! WARNING: This one is very sad, guys. Deals with love, sex, dependence, loss and strength to move on. Hope you like it, it comes from my personal experience.


(The author looks around, watching for scary readers ¬_¬ then faces nice readers.) You know, I'm really supposed to be working on my other Bebop story right now, but this one won't leave me alone. AND I'm SO sorry about this, but I can't help it!! O.O Ever since I've heard this song, it has just stuck in my head and it makes me think of Faye SO much and the possibilities of it are way too tempting for me to resist. I never really thought I would do a song fic kind of thing, but here I am, b/c it won't leave me the heck alone! ^.^ So, I hope you guys like it. . ^.^ V  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Bebop or Audiovent's wonderful song: The Energy, though, this is my story. AND LOOK AT THIS!! © (Shock) It's copyrighted! = ^_^ = lol just kidding. = P Yeah…the copyright people have never met me. But it's mine all the same. So don't steal! Or else! ( I might sic Veggie on you!) O.o  
  
  
  
The lyrics for The Energy will be surrounded by * *  
  
indicates flashbacks  
  
--- indicates present day thoughts  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Every now and then I think about you  
  
And it makes me, it breaks me  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
  
------------------------------  
  
She couldn't stop herself from crying her eyes out. He was gone. Hours meshed into days, days melted into weeks, and weeks into months. He left her 4 months ago. Left her standing there with nothing to hold on to, nothing to be. He was really gone, and he wasn't coming back. She was positive that he was dead and there was nothing that would change that. No word from him. Nothing. He was most certainly dead. Death was better then him being alive and not bothering to contact the Bebop. Her memories were all she had of him now, and those were fading slightly.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Out of you and into me, I'll make it  
  
So take a look at what you do to my head  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
  
  
  
They were fighting as usual. Nothing special about that. He let her get under his skin, and she fought back, equally affected by him.  
  
Fire and ice just didn't mix, plain and simple.  
  
"Look, shrew woman, I'm just about damn tired of this shit. Don't you have anything better to do with your time? Maybe a bounty or two to try and catch?" Spike said turning around and dismissing her altogether.  
  
"Oh, just shut the hell up. Don't make this out to be my fault," She said, pointing her finger at his back. "You know, it would make all of our lives better if you didn't waste anyone's time by filling it with your pointless mouthing off," She shouted, losing her temper with the green haired man.  
  
"Yeah, whatever you say Faye," He replied lazily, lounging back on the couch and placing his arms behind his head. "You know what? I'm so thrilled that I have you around to tell me how things really are. Thanks so much, doc," He said sarcastically pulling a cigarette out and lightening it.  
  
Oh he pissed her off so atrociously! He always acted like nothing bothered him. He always did this. Every time they got into an argument, he somehow turned it around to make her look dim-witted, like it was always her fault in the first place. He hardly ever lost his cool, while she lost hers within seconds. She couldn't stand people like that. They always shied away from fights and conflict, like it was a bad thing.  
  
But the nastiest part was that when he would get angry, the fire in his eyes would extinguish before she could blink her eyes and he was all calm and collected once again. It's like he caught himself just in time. She couldn't for the life of her get him just as agitated as she felt.  
  
She placed her hand on her hip and looked at him. "I'll tell you how things are. The problem with you is that your head is jammed so far up your ass, that you can't see anything but your own shit that's in the past."  
  
Spike jumped up from the couch waving his arms and falling to the ground on his knees, clutching his hands as if in prayer. "Well, Amen and amen, almighty Faye," He countered back mockingly.  
  
"You really are an asshole, you know." Faye replied looking him dead in the eye.  
  
"You really take up to much valuable space, you know. Really, too much air." He said back, meeting her stare and raising his left eyebrow. He got back to his feet.  
  
"Oh grow up, Spike and be a man for once, instead of choosing to be a child." She snapped while rolling her eyes.  
  
He fell out laughing. "Boy Faye, if you weren't on this ship for some comical relief, then I wouldn't know what to do."  
  
"Oh, go fuck yourself, Spike."  
  
He smirked and gave a faint laugh. "Hey, not a bad idea. Though…" he paused for a second, as if he was brooding really hard. "… I think a little help would be appreciated though." He said teasing her.  
  
Shocked and blushing at Spike's crude suggestion, she looked away.  
  
"Hmph. What? Can't take the teasing, Miss Valentine?" he asked.  
  
Her body tensed as he came closer to her.  
  
"You wish. Your words are merely that, words. I swear, you are all talk and no action."  
  
He threw back his head laughing. "Oh that's really classic, Faye," he held his stomach laughing harder.  
  
She blushed more. He was doing it again, making her look and feel completely dense. Why did he get to her so much?  
  
"You know me, I'm just a barrel of laughs, Gowljo" she said through clenched teeth. She turned around and left him standing in the middle of the room, looking at her, with a smile playing at the corner of his lips.  
  
"Yeah, whatever you say, Romani," he called after her.  
  
Well at least he's in a good mood, she thought bitterly, making her way down the hall. That's exactly her goal of the day and everyday, for that matter, she thought sarcastically.  
  
Dammit! She hated when he got her like that, but for some reason, she never could be herself with him. She had noticed that lately and it was really starting to concern her.  
  
She flipped on the light to the bathroom, entered and closed the door behind her.  
  
I mean, it's not like she really cared what he thought about her. Well, she wanted him to respect her, yes, but that's all. He could go shit on a log for all she cared.  
  
She must be losing her touch, though, because she never could win an argument with him anymore. Something, somewhere, had changed and she just couldn't put her finger on it.  
  
She turned on the warm faucet, opting to leave the cold one off. She got plenty of cold water, when the hot one was on. Why in the world did she need to add to it?  
  
Stepping into the tub she turned the shower on, letting the lukewarm water rush over her head and down her body.  
  
She just didn't get it. Hmm…maybe it had to do with some side effect having to do with living with men for the first time in her life. Well, men like him anyway. Jet was just fine, in her opinion. But Fro Boy was a totally different variety all together. He was moderately appealing, she would give him that, but aside from that, there wasn't much to him. Yes, he sometimes proved he was helpful by getting a few bounties, but other then that…well and the fact that he was clever when he wanted to be, and he never lost his head, even in sticky situations…and maybe he was always there when she was in trouble and maybe, just maybe, she liked his lips, and especially his eyes.  
  
Her eyes snapped open. Oh my God! Where did that come from? She swallowed hard, trying to kill her sudden panic down. She shut her eyes again.  
  
Oh really, who was she fooling. Herself? She knew she fantasized about him… sometimes…but maybe things were getting way out of hand here. Maybe she needed to do something, like stop thinking about him for one thing.  
  
She couldn't though, she tried. She tried to deny reasons why, but they all failed. She was falling for the miserable bastard and there was nothing she could do about it. Oh God! What was she going to do? She wanted to kiss him and deck his ass in the same moment.  
  
Tears slipped down her face. She was in some serious trouble. He was getting to her head…and her heart.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
When you're leaving, I'm breathing  
  
Out of you and into me, I feel sick…  
  
I feel sick  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
  
------------------------------------  
  
  
  
Why did he constantly haunt her? She finally understood what Spike went through all those years. She now knew his torture and anguish. She always thought he was pathetic for letting a woman get to him that way.  
  
She needed to go on with her life, but she tried and tried. She was tired of trying though. What was the use of trying without having a purpose for doing so? He left her here dying inside and she didn't know how to fix it. She couldn't find the strength. His soul was stolen by beautiful Julia. Her soul was stolen by him. He replaced his soul with hers. He left her drained and empty.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
We are the energy  
  
We are the same as you  
  
Take everything you need  
  
We are the answer to  
  
The broken, breaking through  
  
Take everything from me  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He blocked her punch. She dodged his kick with a block of her own. Swinging around, she kicked back, only to be knocked down with a sweep of his legs. She fell backwards, landing on her butt with a thud.  
  
"I'll ask you again, Faye. What do you need from me? Why can't you leave me alone?" He breathed heavily.  
  
Her hair hid her face from his view. She couldn't answer. She didn't know how.  
  
He reached down and grabbed her by her upper arm, pulling her to her feet forcing her to look at him.  
  
"Huh, Faye? What?" he shouted, growing irritated. "Answer me, dammit!!" She still wouldn't look at him. He roughly let go of her arm. She slipped back to the ground.  
  
Disgusted, he turned away from her. She was frustrating him to the point of insanity. He didn't understand her.  
  
Her stomach was in a knot. Still, she needed to have the courage to tell him. If she didn't, she would go crazy with 'what ifs'.  
  
"I don't know." She whispered softly.  
  
Surprised that she answered him, he turned around to look at her. She brought her head up to regard him. He was surprised to see tears in her eyes, on the verge of falling.  
  
"I don't know anything when you are around. I forget how to function."  
  
She stumbled to her feet, walking over to where he was. She almost smiled. She knew what his reaction would be. He wasn't showing any emotion. Well, besides a little bit of surprise at first. Even that was better then showing horror or sickness she supposed.  
  
She stopped a mere foot away from his face looking into his eyes. God, his eyes were striking.  
  
"What am I supposed to say to that?" he replied emotionless. "You know the man I am, Faye. She took my soul with her. I don't really exist."  
  
She slapped him soundly on the cheek. She saw the pink imprint left by her hand and felt regret for doing it. But she would strike him again if it would make him listen; make him wake up from his dream world that didn't really exist.  
  
He didn't move an inch, didn't even flinch when she struck him.  
  
Feeling remorse for her actions, she leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek where her handprint was. He didn't move. She laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He stiffened slightly, and then relaxed, though he didn't hug her back. There was a pause. She listened to his steady heartbeat and breathed him in.  
  
"You do exist, Spike. I can feel you, so you must be real."  
  
She lifted her head and gazed into his eyes. A tear ran down his face. She watched it move down his face, until it reached his mouth. Oh God, his mouth.  
  
Leaning in, she kissed it away, tasting his tear in her mouth. Closing her eyes, she gave into the feeling of kissing him. She wanted him to see that she was in the present and so was he.  
  
She gasped softly, when he responded to her, by digging his fingers in her hair and kissing her back, pulling her tightly to his chest, like he was afraid she would disappear. He was so urgent. Her heart was racing.  
  
  
  
He left her breathless.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Now that you're leaving  
  
It complicates our lives  
  
But I am the reason  
  
That I will stay alive  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
She remembered what it felt like to be kissed so thoroughly by Spike Spiegel. She wasn't prepared for what she got. She didn't think it would lead to what it did. How can you drown in a person completely, like she did with him? It was like he meshed his way into her very existence. Damn. She just shuddered at the thought of it.  
  
God, she missed him so much. Everything was obscure now.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Every now and then I dream about you  
  
I've lost the feeling, it's dead skin  
  
I will never be dependent again  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She closed her eyes, tighter then before. His hands felt so remarkable and soothing, reassuring her with every caress. They were everywhere, she was everywhere. She was airborne. She felt lightheaded, like she was going to melt right into the sheet beneath her.  
  
He lightly kissed her jaw where it met the bottom of her ear. She spread her hands over his back lightly stroking. She had always found men's backs fascinating. To her, they epitomized human strength. There was such beauty in them. The Creator performed a work of art when He created them.  
  
He gently rocked against her, loving her tenderly. She didn't think he would be like this. This way seemed to become him all the same.  
  
Stretching her head up slightly, she placed delicate kisses on the base of his throat. She loved it when he made that little sound in the back of his throat. It made his neck vibrate slightly against her open mouth. He made beautiful noises. He was beautiful. He made her feel such contentment and pleasure.  
  
Her eyes fluttered open as she felt him dig his hands into her hair, his fingers stroking her scalp. He was watching her through half closed eyes, smiling at her. She couldn't help but smile back, his smile was so infectious. She felt so precious and priceless at that moment. She knew she pleased him. And that he cared for her in his own way. The smile communicated how he felt.  
  
He leaned down and softly kissed her lips. She closed her eyes, savoring the experience of him loving her.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
And every now and then I think about you  
  
It's bringing me closer to closure  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He lay slightly covering her body, his arms around her. She was running her hands through his hair. She wasn't thinking about anything in particular, just drifting in a hum of contentment. She could hear his shaky breathing, slowing to a normal rate, feel his heart slowing.  
  
She knew that part of what happened was because of release; part was for her. She wasn't stupid, but she got what she wanted. She got who she wanted.  
  
He was completely hers for that moment of time. Julia wasn't an option. It was all Faye and Spike. No one existed beyond them.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Every now and then I know it's over  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
---------------------  
  
It seemed so long ago and yet, felt it was only minutes before when she laid in his arms, when she was fulfilled and complete. How many times did they perform so intimately together? It was countless.  
  
She knew she needed to move on. She should realize the past is the past and things were the way they were, nothing was changing the fact that he was not there, dead or not.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
We are the energy  
  
We are the same as you  
  
Take everything you need  
  
We are the answer to  
  
The broken, breaking through  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
  
  
  
"How can you just leave it like this?" she questioned hysterically. "How can you leave me?"  
  
Tears were running down her eyes. Her makeup was everywhere, but she didn't give a shit. She was losing him. She knew this would eventually take place; she just wasn't ready for it. How can you prepare yourself to lose your soul, your reason for living?  
  
He watched her, helpless to do anything for her, afraid to touch her.  
  
"Faye…" he uttered weakly, "don't do this. It's already hard enough. Can't you just accept this? I can't change myself for anyone, not even you. I'm too hung up in the past."  
  
"How can you even ask this of me?" she cried at him, futilely wiping away the tears streaming down her face "What kind of person are you? What kind of person do you think I am?" She was becoming frantic. She didn't know how to hold on to someone who wasn't even hers in the first place.  
  
He looked at her sharply accusation in his eyes. "That isn't fair. You know I'm hurting too."  
  
"Well, I'm not the one leaving. Why do you have to go?" She clutched on to his arm, roughly jerking him forward, "Why?" She asked desperately, trying to make him see reason, making him stay.  
  
He took her hand off of his arm grabbing her hand and holding it.  
  
"Faye, please…"  
  
She glared at him, violent at this point. She wrenched her hand away from his. "Please what? Please accept that you've fucked me up, that you've completely fucked me up for every other man but you for the rest of my life? That now that I know who I am and who I want, to just give it up?"  
  
She felt outraged and hollow. "Fuck you and your selfishness, Spike Spiegel! I hate you! I'm through. Leave me alone! She can have your heartless ass." She turned, walking away from him, leaving him standing where he was.  
  
He grabbed her shoulders turning her around to where she faced him. He gripped her chin bringing it to his face. He kissed her, everything he felt for her in it. She melted against him.  
  
He released her mouth and looked into her eyes.  
  
"I promise that I will come back if I can. Please don't hate me for the rest of your life. I can't help what life throws at me."  
  
She looked away from him. "Just go. Don't touch me. Leave me be." She was completely inconsolable. She felt sick to her stomach and she was void of any emotion, but grief.  
  
He looked at her once more, then turned and walked away, leaving her there alone.  
  
He was nauseous. He felt like a creep, an unfeeling, callous bastard.  
  
She watched him walk away. She knew he needed to go. It was in his blood. His past wasn't complete without her and him. They were still there, haunting him wherever he went, whatever he did. Her legs itched to run after him. She couldn't stand to let him go away. She couldn't fathom the thought of never touching him again, never feeling his body on hers. She started towards him, but stopped.  
  
She let him go.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Take everything from me  
  
'cause I'm not dying  
  
No, I'm not dying today  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
-----------------------------  
  
  
  
He never loved her like she loved him. She wanted to think he was alive and well. She loved him still.  
  
She knew that she was stronger then she was acting. Since when did a man bring Faye Valentine to her knees? Never. Not then and not now. NEVER. She would get over this. She was tough. She was a woman.  
  
  
  
  
  
FIN  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Geez, guys. That was sort of depressing wasn't it? Sorry about that. I just went through this horrible break up with my long time boyfriend and I've been really bummed for a while. This really helped me let some of my feelings out. Basically all Faye feels, well I felt them, so this is kind of my personal experience and feelings for all of you to see. Even if some of you don't like it, well it's nice to know that someone out there read it and knows what I went through. Thanks so much for reading it guys. Luv ya.  
  
Julia  
  
HEY YOU!!! You know what to do! See that nice button? The one that says "REVIEW"? I really think you should click on it and see what happens. ^_~ 


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